The Great Train Robbery

As Ronnie Biggs sees out his final days behind bars an even bigger train robbery is taking place every day.

Another couple of days in London trying to get a Parking Ticket ... and failing again ... with our somewhat high profile, double yellow lined F1 NED vehicle I decided to catch an earlier train home.

We had spent most of the day placing the car in some of the most ticketed locations in the capital (as identified in last week's Sunday People) but Parking Attendants beat a hasty retreat when they see the car. However, Atlantic Road in Brixton is CCTV enforcement so we are hoping to get a ticket there ... and we will then prove that the restriction is unlawful. Newington Green Road in Islington is also supposed to be monitored by cameras ... so fingers crossed there.

Anyway, I finished early and rather wait for the 9pm train I jumped on the 4pm with minutes to spare.

As usual something was wrong. Last time I managed to get the only seat on a packed train where the electric socket wasn't working and there was no food on account of the staff not turning in. Not sure who drove the train but as it was a pretty straight line it could have been the ticket collector

This time the inner carriage door was stuck open and we were treated to a pleasant sewage odour from the blocked toliet for the duration of the journey.

Then I was mugged. The mugger wore a navy blue uniform and hat and managed to extract £236 from my credit card while, for once, my jaw stopped working. I only wanted a single ... but a single was the same price as a return ... £236.

My 9pm ticket was £29. I could have spent £207 in the bar at King's Cross Station to kill the time.

Even a taxi would have cost £250 to the door.

Is it any wonder that people refuse to use public transport?

Dick Turpin must be rolling in his grave. He could have spent his mornings as a Parking Attendant, afternoons on the trains and his evenings watching the telly ... CCTV bus lanes and yellow box junctions.

Meanwhile, my letter of complaint is ready to go ... I couldn't really argue about the broken door and the smell of sewage on a £29 ticket ... but at £236 I want hand maidens and the scent of roses.

If only Ronnie and the gang had had a bit more vision and instead of robbing the train they should have just bought a locomotive and robbed the passengers or let Dick Turpin do all the work and robbed him when he went to the Coach and Horses for a pint!